What?

What is a man to do when his entire moral essence is called into question? What do you do when you find yourself questioning the entire foundation on which you have laid your hopes, dreams and tears upon? What do you do when all of a sudden, it stops making sense?

How does one get up after being beaten down? How does one “rise to the occasion” if the occasion never presents itself? What is one to do when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired?

What do you do when you realize that rebellion will not result in anything, nor will conformance? What do you do when you realize those who lead the way are lost themselves?

For every question there is an answer, for every mistake a correction. For every slip there is a rising, for every low there is a high.

Recent thoughts, confusion and annoyances.

Ok so lately I’ve been feeling very under the weather, down in the dumps, blue, whatever you want to call it. Most of it has been frustration from school, the meaningless waste of time that it is, primarily my peers at school. Now i dont want to step on any toes, but Godwin flat out sucks. People keep telling me that its just like any other school, and that i just need to accept it, but there is something different about Godwin. Oak Ridge, my old school, i didnt like but i could deal with it. Godwin is just ridiculous. I mean how much arrogance can you possibly fit into a jail style school? Im amazed at the complete lack of personality, the disregard for friends and enemies alike, and just the overall Im-better-than-you attitude. Dont get me wrong there are certainly quite a few nice people, but they just dont make up for the rest of the school. So now that my rant about Godwin is over, i want to address the real issue.

God.

God is all powerful. “He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God.” Joshua 4:24

God is loving. “For God so loved the world…” John 3:16

God is faithful. “…He is a faithful God” Deut. 7:9

Our God is indeed an awesome God. Right?
Lets play god for a second, shall we? You get to make something. You get to create this awesome, perfect environment. You get to breathe your life into an inanimate object. You get to create the world. So you go to work. You work and work, and work and work. You toil, you slave away, you sweat, you may even bleed in an attempt to make this world. Why? Because you love the creation that you are, well, creating. So you make this world, and everything in it. But the creation rebels. What do you do? You save it. You send your one and only child to be a sacrifice to redeem this creation. Then what? You leave. You go away. Like a kid abandoning an old toy for a new one, you simply go away. Good thing you’re not God right? Because God would never just leave would He?

I’m starting to think He indeed has. It just doesnt make sense that this awesome, perfect, loving God would just disappear. So people insist that he hasnt. “He’s still here,” they say. “you just have to know where to look for him.” So where exactly do i look? Hey I know! Maybe if I stare at that tree long enough, I’ll see God in nature. Or maybe if i hold a newborn baby, i will feel Gods wonderful love. So why dont I? I look to nature, what do i see? Nature. I hold a baby what do i feel? Weight. Throw up. Maybe a little love, but who is to say that it is Gods love? If this God is such an awesome god, why doesnt he prove it?!

Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year I pretend to love God. Yes. Pretend. Because in the end, what is there to love? Sure I can go to church. Sure i can answer bible questions. Heck ill sing just as loud as the next kid. But for what? What am i proving? Nothing. I am singing songs, praying prayers and loving this God who has never even revealed himself to me. Why should I love Him? Because he loved me first? If he loves us all so much, why doesnt he ever prove it!

Of course, i always run into the age old counter argument of “Well God is too perfect for you to be able to come in contact with him”
Screw that! Look at moses! Look at David! Look at Elijah! Look at Jonah! What sets them apart? Why do they get to see this God but i dont? Does he love them more? Are they somehow better than me?

You know what i think. I think that God sent Jesus then said “Hey, im done with those humans. They have the bible they can figure it out.” That is exactly what it seems like. Then theres this whole Jesus issue. He lived 2,000 years ago! I dont know about you, but im not going to be paying any attention to someone that lived 2,000 years ago. Besides Jesus and the Christians, who do you know from that era? No one! Why? Because its irrelevant! I want a God who will talk to me, not someone who just wants me to talk to them. I want a God who will walk with me, not just hand me a map and say meet me here. I want a God who cares enough about me to find a way to have a simple conversation with me. What do i get? A 2,000 year old book, the common “Church” and some grape juice and a cracker. Thanks.

So thats that, and what is done is done. Thankfully, i finally got that off my chest. While some of what i said may have just been anger and frustration finally letting out, i meant almost all of what i said. If you have any arguments tha might make me see it differently, please I’m all for them. For now, i’ll keep hoping that God stops by to say hello.

Giving Up

Today John really pressed giving everything up to God. I have been really thinking about this lately, wondering what exactly that means. On the one hand, i dont want to take it to mean that i should become this hippie type, not worrying about anything that happens. But on the complete other hand, i dont want to be so concerned with life that i dont even have time for God. I wish that i could just find the middle ground and stay there. I need to know what that middle ground looks like though. I mean i have read Shane Claibornes Irresistible Revolution, in which he talks about how he lives in a run down church with others, simply living in and loving on God. I have read about Mother Teresa who gave, continues to give, her life up for Christ. But i dont know anyone personally who lives that life style. I wish i could see someone actually living their life like Christ. Also, i want to know how i, a 16 year old, can live my life like Christ. I mean i cant exactly drop school and go preach on the streets can i? John refers to the man in NY who got shot for talking about jesus, well i cant exactly go to NY and tell everyone about it can I? The most common answer i get to this question is “well think about how many people you encounter at school” and my reply goes something like “Think about how few of those people i actually have a relationship with. Then out of those, think about the few people who are actually going to listen to what i have to say about God.” Contrary to popular belief, i disagree that school is a great place to tell others about God. What really gets to me is the way my life has already been arranged for me. For now, im forced to be in school. After school, its going to be expected that i immediately get a job, and eventually start a family. One day, when im retired from work, ill tell people about Jesus. Then i get retired and lo and behold, i have ten years til im dead. At that point, ill want to enjoy lifes great variety of fun stuff, not spend all my time talking about Jesus. I mean sure, here and there and in between i might convert some people, or have some life changing experiences, but im never going to live my life like Jesus did. I want to change that. The only problem is i have no idea how.

This is one of my blogs where i really want some feedback. I dont want to pretend like more than a few people read this, but to those who do, any form of a reply would be awesome. Thanks in advance

Gods Subtleties

God has his own little ways of letting you know what he wants. It doesnt matter how hard you try to avoid him, how hard you try to shut him out, hes going to get to you. If i try to avoid growing a deeper relationship with him, he shuts my other relationships down. If i try and say that i experience true love from other sources such as my family or close friends, he tells me i have no idea what real love, agape love, is. He gently tells me “You think you know love, but you have no idea what limitless love really is.” I pray dear lord, if this doesnt work out, let me grow stronger in you. Selfishly, i dont mean it. Yet God takes me at my worst and molds me with his best. He gently breaks me down, then builds me back up to be his man. He is, indeed, the ultimate daddy, and i love him for it.

Love

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal light.

Gods love for me is indefinite. Its all knowing, all powerful, unconditional, forgiving, compassionate, ever lasting and complete. No matter what I do, he will love me. No matter what I say, he will love me. Even if I curse him and spit at him and turn my back to him, he will love me. Why?

What have i ever done to deserve Gods love? To quote Reliant K, If i think of something worthy, i know that its already yours. Even if i were to spend the rest of my life simply trying to love God, i would fail. Epically. I know God doesn’t need me to do anything to deserve his love, but i feel like i have to. At the very least, i feel like i should be able to somehow express my thankfulness. Yet every night when i close my eyes, i get bombarded with feelings of failure. I look back on my day and realize just how much of a jerk i am. Yet when its all said and done, I can feel God repeating I Love You, until i fall asleep.

The best example i can think of is the Prodigal Son. This kid takes his inheritance early and runs off. At the end of the day, he is eating out of a pig pin. Intelligently, he decides its time to head home. On his way home, he humbly thinks about offering himself as a servant to his father. As he gets close to home, he sees someone running in the distance. Bracing himself for the wrath he is about to receive, he is completely thrown off. His dad comes running up and wraps him in a bear hug. “Im so glad your home son, im so glad” he exclaims. He then proceeds to take his son in for a feast. While at the surface, this story is very lovey dovey happy, it really shakes me at the core once i begin to think about it. This is a type of love that i am completely incapable of. Here is a man whose son has turned on him, basically spat in his face and ran off with his money, and the dad is talking about killing the fatted cow! Quite frankly, that type of love scares me.

I was walking in the mall today, going to pick up my schedule for work, when i happened to get stuck behind a slow moving family. At first i was pretty upset. Why does this always happen to me, i thought. Im in a hurry, move out of the way. Then i realized that the dad was pushing a wheelchair. I dont know what made me slow down, but i decided that i was fine walking behind them. As the family walked by a trash can, the dad made a move to throw something away. For a split second, he was away from his sons side. I heard a soft “daddy?” come from in front of me. I realized that the kid was calling out to his dad. He didn’t want his dad to leave his side. Honestly i just about broke down and cried right then and there. Here was a son who was so deeply in love with his father, that simply leaving his side made him cry out. After my initial reaction of almost bawling right then and there (i know I’m a wimp), i started to think. Why cant i have that relationship with my heavenly father? What allows this kid to be so madly in love with his dad? Then it hit me. The wheelchair. This kid was completely dependant on his dad. Now i don’t think that the family will ever know what a huge impact they had on me. They probably just went about their day. I do know this though. God put them there to prove a point to me. God got to me, even in my most arrogant moment, and made me see his love for me. There is nothing more i want to do than to call out “Daddy?”

My Posts

The two posts I have uploaded are actually the very same as the ones on my facebook. I just wanted to put them on here to get it started. So if they look familiar thats why.

Thoughts Inspired By Johns Lesson

First of all, tonights lesson was really good John. It did raise a certain question that I’ve been thinking about a lot.
I used to struggle with the whole “If God is real, why do bad things happen” question, which led to the “Is God even real?” question, but now I have learned that the “bad things” question is irrelevent. First and foremost, it is certainly not our place to even begin to question God. Also, most so called bad things usually turn out to be ok. Such as the usual “if God loves me, why did he let my (insert relative here) die/have cancer/get sick?” Wanting to hold on to a loved one might be a natural reaction, but its selfish. I once heard that every day, God wakes up (work with me here. i know God doesnt wake up) and immediately runs to the gates of Heaven asking “Is today the day? Can I go get him today? Please can i bring him home?” and the angels have to literally hold Him back. You see, God wants us to come home. He wants to pull us out of this miserable, pathetice place we call home. He wants to be with us.
Not only does He want to be with us, He alone knows when it is our “time”. He knows exactly when He is going to call us back. And He can hardly wait for that time.

On the whole “Is God even real” question, Johns lesson tonight showed what a stupid question that is. Nobody can look at the stars, the planets, the solar system, the sun, the moon, the mountains, the ocean or anything and honestly say: “This was all a random chance happening” For those people who do think that way, pull your head out of the sand! Its not possible!

So all that leads up to my question.

If God is real, which He is, and God loves us that much, which He does, then why doesn’t He reveal Himself to us?

I know that He reveals himself through other people, and through nature and such, but why doesnt He actually show Himself.
In the bible, old testament usually, there are plenty of instances where God uses the supernatural to reveal himself to His people. Moses is a perfect example of this with the burning bush. I mean Moses actually got to talk to God! Then theres Jacob in Genesis 32:22. He actually met and wrestled a man that was either God or one of God’s angels. (correct me on that John)
Throughout Exodus, Moses goes up on Mt. Sinai and repeatedly talks with God
In Numbers 4 we find God talking to Moses and Aaron
In 1 Kings 3, God actually asks Solomon what he wants. He tells Solomon he can have anything in the world
Then theres Elijah. I mean God actually took Elijah up to heaven. How cool is that?!
In 1st Samuel 3, we find God talking to Samuel
Then the big one, which I recently discovered is actually somewhat of a controversy, is Job. According to John there are people who think that Job was just a metaphor. Now I’m not smart enough to argue either way, so for now lets just assume Job is true. God came and questioned Job throughout several chapters. I would give anything to have God question me like that. Just to have some proof that God exists.

The way I see it, if God can do all that, why can’t He talk to us? Chris Rice has a song, Smell the Color Nine, and in it he says: “I’m not looking for burning bushes, or some divine graffiti to appear…”
However that is exactly what I want. Why wont God leave some “divine graffiti”? Why wont God give me a burning bush?
I know he can, but why doesn’t He

My Mission

I have often times found myself wondering what it is exactly that God wants from me. It seems like one moment im sure that He wants me to do this, then the next moment its something completely different. I’ve often found myself wondering about the great commission, wondering how i can even begin to fulfill it. At first glance, its overwhelming. This is it in Jett lingo
Hey listen, i have a job for you. I know that right now yall are being killed because your proclaiming that you believe in me, but I’m gonna go ahead and assign you this anyway. Basically, i want you to go tell all the nations about me. Lets see start with Afghanistan, then go to Brazil, then Cambodia, while your at it hit up Egypt. Then go ahead and tell all of France and Germany about me. Um who am i forgeting? Oh yea Honduras India Japan and Kazakhastan, Lebanon and Mali, then Nepal and Pakistan, just to name a few. You see i dont think we realize the HUGENESS of the mission Jesus gave us. He didnt tell us, preach on sunday, listen on wednesday. He said tell everyone you come in contact with about me on any day that ends in a y. He didnt say follow me because it will make you popular, famous, respected or even loved. Not to say that that wont happen along the way, but thats not why he wanted us to follow him. He said that those who are first will be last and those who are last will be first. Jesus blatantly tells us that when we follow him, our time on earth isnt going to be a picnic. We are going to be mocked and ridiculed, made fun of, some even put to death. But still, he commands us to take up our cross and follow him. John recently told a story about a man who literally took up his cross and followed Jesus. He would walk along the beach, dragging a heavy wooden cross through the sand. People would laugh at him, throw stuff at him and even curse at him. yet he kept going. What i wouldnt give to have faith like that!
You see Jesus doesnt want the posers. He doesnt want the guys who go to church on sundays in their nice pants and shirt tucked in, then the next day they’re laughing at the girl in history. He doesnt want the guys who lead prayers for show, or bring attention to how much they just put in the collection plate. Jesus isnt interested in them. Jesus wants the real guys. The ones who help the nerd pick up his books, even if its the fifth time that day. He wants the guy who isnt afraid to read his bible during lunch. He wants the guy who doesnt judge because of appearance. I wish i could be that guy.
What it boils down to is this; are you real with Jesus? In Matt 25, Jesus talks about all humans being separated into two groups. Basically, the criteria is this; “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, i was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, i was a stranger and you invited me in, i needed clothes and you clothed me, i was sick and you looked after me, i was in prison and you came to visit me.”
The righteous say “But Lord, we never did any of that for you!”
The Kings reply?
“Truly i tell you, what ever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

Thats what Jesus wants from us. He wants us to feed the hungry, refresh the thirsty, clothe the naked, look after the sick, invite the stranger, and visit the jailed. He doesnt want us to punch our card. He wants us to be real

I pray that God will give me the strength to do whatever it is He may want done with my life. I know He’s just waiting for me to surender it to him.